A life being Lived

I don’t even know when the pain ended and the pain began.

Sometimes you can’t just help it but become part of it. It’s like the whole world is just pushing to be part of this ungodly entity. Remove anything that is regarded as independent, and finally hand over the strings to the person that you deem as worthy, as someone who clearly knows what he is doing in his life. I mean just look at the way he dresses, behaves himself in public. Isn’t that enough to legitimize your reassurance on this person. Nothing would go wrong, when he has proper control over your life.

Becoming

There is a shame and unbelievable amount of guilt if you are not part of it. since every flesh that you see breathing on the street is part of this unknown entity. Everybody gets used to it, they scream, yell, whisper in your ears. Grow a pair and accept the life that is comforting and you will wake up without us shaming you.

How long can you push it, you give in, like them, they were once you, acted like you, but look at them, they gave up and you should too. Don’t feel free from all the years of breathing air, looking at time and seeing it not moving an even inch since the last hour. You are free from all that, all that made you a child, you are a grown man, the purpose was about fun, now is all about trailing after paper blood.

Rationalizing

There is no need to feel shame, look at them, all those people, suited up, shining like the sun even at night. They could walk into any store and buy anything, park their car at the most expensive restaurant and have the best time of their life. Weren’t you envious of life then? Look at you, now you are the one walking into those restaurants having the same food for more money. You can’t even criticize, or they would label you as tasteless.

Fear of not being part of the club is scarier than death itself. Why wouldn’t be, since you see them as living, you need to think differently. The only way you will stay in, if you accept the world. They know it, now it is time for you to know it as well, it is never about the things, it is about having it, owning it. Where you are the master and everything around you is slave.

Tell yourself that, since this is the reasoning your brain has concocted. Why would you ever even think about doubting your decisions, you know that’s where regrets pops out like snakes out of the hole, leaving a trail of venom and something much more worse, a reminder of your decisions.

Expected

Your whole life you sought the meaning of the word perfect, since that’s what was expected, still being expected, now that you are part of this conglomerate, everyone expects you to be what they want you to be. The job is to show up at the right time, do what they say, and leave when they tell you to. But you have the assurance of death, they couldn’t take that away from you. Well, not yet.

So you go on living your life to the fullest, but you can still see the chain on your neck, and you can be assured everybody knows you have seen the chains. They know you are running on limited time, spend a second longer, they will pull up the chains, and you will go back to the hive and work for the queen.

You can’t think of the past anymore, childhood something pops up when you are inebriated. Memories you don’t want to see or even want to recall, as those days are now feel a fabricated lies from distance memory. You can’t even believe those days really happened in your life, and you voluntarily took part in those activities. The sand quickly pours down at a much faster rate, as your mind has achieved what everyone wanted you to achieve.

Accept

A point in life, where living becomes a purpose? And you wonder, what’s next? How long should you live? How many times you will have to pretend to be awestruck at something that you have seen thousands of times? Now you will realize what your grandparents felt in their twilight years. As the purpose of living slowly turns into a comforting death.

Everything is a slave, but time never was, it just felt like it.