Look Where I am

Its amazing, the things that have happened to me. I am worried, it's not like I'm dying. But it feels like I am about to die. I'm seeing bills piling up, none of them are life threatening, but for some reason I'm finding myself worried.

I'm worried not about my physical self, but it feels like i'm taking a wooden steak right into my heart. As I'm used to certain amenities of life, not having access to them creates a deep disturbence within me.

All of these disturbance doesn't even come close to my physical body. But my inner sides bleeds for its depravity. All the strange amenities I have gotten myself into are not useful in anyway, I am mature enough to tell how they are corrupting my brain. How they are separating me from reaching the meaning of my life.

Its like a river of corruption and I am Ophelia drowning in it. Every pores in my body sucking the water of the river, getting used to it. The sad thing is that my mind knows how ugly this whole thing is, but I'm letting it happen.

As time ticks, I am getting closer to the days when I am going to get pulled out of the water, and instead of finding joy, there is a bitter sadness that overwhelms me. As my body has been in that river for so long, it only knows the clam water of numbness.

Pulling me out of this blasted water will not hurt my body, but it will leave me mentally dry. Funny thing is, this dryness of my mind, used to a norm in my life. Now I am scared to be in my past self.

As Im sitting on the chair looking aty old self, he has nothing but smiling for some reason. Yet, here I am losing my sensibility, desperately clinging on to the things that is slipping from my arm.