Letter
Lost all reason for being here, though I would get used to the dust of the city. Only thought, three years later, the air is suffocating. They said that you would get adapted to the environment. Most of them are dead, and those who were alive went AWOL.
Can't even blame them, wish I had the guts to even pull that off. Maybe one of these days, when the pressure is high, I might crack and just run off somewhere. I don't know where though. When you think about getting away from everything, breaking all the rules on the way sends fear into your mind.
But when you feel the road becoming narrower, you will crack. It will be a day of reckoning for my mind and soul. But until then, I had to keep chewing this bitter gum every single day while putting on a happy smile.
Can't afford to make the people who run things mad. I need to keep my body freshen up, so they will not notice anything. The funny thing about being depressed, the world thinks you will show the signs up front. Like I'm selling cupcakes to the bystanders.
A charade is what everybody desires instead of truth. So why not try my best to put on a show for others? When you come here, you first learn that feelings are just like a bug that you have to stomp to become a better version of yourself.
Never was a vegan, hated their views. But stomping on your own feelings to become a man in the world didn't feel as good as I thought. One thing they don't tell you is that when you kill your own emotions, you will never get them back.
You stomp on it so much that it creates a hole left alone for desire. God, I sound like one of those stupid morons who used to read poetry in school. I was jealous that they got to do all that while I was being taught to kill everything that came out of their mouth.
Nothing I could do; life steered me in that direction, and I let myself loose in the world. Now I am here surrounded by poisonous gas. Seeing others going about their day without dealing with the fog around them is fascinating.
It is normal for them to live a life around anything. Three years later, I can't even fit in the crowd. Maybe it's me, but I still have some empathy in my heart. A sign of weakness for others around me, all the acts I put on daily do a great job of hiding everything.
I never let slip pass on any occasion. Life gets so dull that they start a conversation around the mundane thing that cheers their minds. It is kinda sad, but it feels good that they found purpose in the most useless things in the world.
It is very hard for anyone to deal with a person who doesn't have a purpose in life. A loose cannon that will go away faster than it came to this earth. My purpose leads me here; in a way, I'm trying my best not to think about the faults of my purpose.
The last thing I want is to get hooked on pills like the rest of my buddies. They can't even open their eyes without a visit from a doctor. I don't want to be like them and wonder why they are alive. Must love their life even if they have nothing to lose.
Drugs wake them up, and Drugs make them go to work, Drugs put them at ease, Drugs make sure their body works around the workplace, Drugs put them to sleep.
